peer revision

Read the below sentences and their revisions and answer the following questions:

What changes have they made that were effective and why?

Which sentences could still be revised and how?

Bob Hedges, a consultant for AlixPartners states, “You’re going to see a retraining of the pool to equip them with more technological capabilities; you’re going to see more expertise in branchesâ€¦” (Abdel-Razzaq 2015).

Revised

A consultant at AlixPartners and an expert on the banking industry states, “You’re going to see a retraining of the pool to equip them with more technological capabilities; you’re going to see more expertise in branchesâ€¦” (Abdel-Razzaq 2015).

2. The Detroit News identifies the movement of banks on ATMs and Mobile/Online Banking, and why it makes financial sense.

Revision

It makes financial sense for banks to have this shift to electronic means for banking. Having ATMs and Mobile/Online Banking is now the norm for banks, and customers expect a high level of convenient banking options beyond the physical bank itself.

3. For tellers, we are responsible for having those conversations and peaking their interest, and to actually get them to sit down with a banker.

Revision

For tellers, they are responsible for having those conversations to peak the customer’s interest, to entice them to sit down with a banker.

4. Alignment with management and tellers to help develop their skill set into their new role is essential if they would like to stay competitive in the banking industry.

Revision

To competitive in the banking industry, tellers and management need to work together to help develop the needed skill set for the teller’s new roles.

5. Consulting with management and bankers on how to improve their conversations with customers on a regular basis should be something BOA implements.

Revision

Bank of America needs to implement accountability with their tellers, in how they continue their training to improve their conversations with customers.